Saturday, May 12, 2012

How To Breathe.

Today I'm listening in layers.  I have Yo-Yo Ma playing baroque cello in the studio while on my laptop via grooveshark.com I'm listening to Sara Groves' "All Right Here."  I'm all a-jitter.  I'm too easily made anxious.  Something's coming up that I'm looking forward to but I will either have to cut my time short w/ it or find a sub for a much-loved responsibility.  I'm favoring cutting the new thing short.  I'm also hoping on Monday to find out if there's an alternate date.  Meanwhile I feel anxious.  Part of me wants to say "so silly."  But I'm not silly!  This is my life!  God made me with an anxious nervous-system.  Who am I to say God's work is "silly?"  (Smiling.)  So I let my mind weave itself around two tracks: one calming and orderly, the other expressive of my restlessness.  It's good.  It helps me breathe.  Lord, can You use my restlessness?  Can You use my familiarity w/ anxiety?  Surely Lord, You create only that which can glorify You!  Use me, Lord.  You are my whole raison d'etre.  I love You Abba-Papa-Lord-Jesus-Christ-Holy-Spirit-Lover-of-my-soul-Eternal-One-Only-One-Beloved-Life-Life-LIFE-!!!!  Praise be Your Holy Name! :)

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